nothing…
that i could’ve done or not done could’ve made you mine. i’ve been prepared for this my whole life.
i loved my mother more than anything - but she loved my cousin not me so i let it go. i loved my grandfather, my best friend in the whole wide world - but he died so suddently. i didn’t have a father - not that it mattered. then in school i was always top in class - a given, but i wanted to dance in school events than win a bible quiz show or ace our finals, which i didn’t get to do because i was fat and they don’t get overweight kids in the dance troupe. in college, i tried to apply for the varsity - but coach said, “you are here (training with us), why do you want to be a varsitarian?” so i let it go, even if the martial arts was the first love of my life. and oh, there’s law school, one of my - or more specifically, my mom’s - major frustrations. how would i know i would suck at it until i was there? but, like what i told a senior who asked me how i found law school so far, “it’s like beer.” not everyone’s gonna like it, or take some because of the pressure. you know, not everyone’s made for digesting cases (of beer? haha, no, of actual courtroom cases).
so anyway. back to you. i’ve hated myself for too long because i fell for you. i considered it a cosmic mistake. i’m not sure until now if you simply sent the wrong signals, but i know it’s always been about how i dealt with myself. i mean, you could’ve been anyone right? oh don’t mind me. this is nothing…
